It seems every PR person in America has weighed in on the NRA’s press conference last month.
No need to rehash this ground with another “What the NRA should have done is …”
Instead, I’ve extrapolated from information in the public domain and pieced together how I think the dialogue went down between the NRA’s PR function and Wayne Lapierre, executive VP at NRA (who delivered the prepared remarks at the press conference).
PR: Sir, I suggest silence as our best course of action. There’s nothing we can say at this point in time that’s going to be perceived in positive light.
Wayne: Silence is an action?
PR: Sorry.
Wayne: You said our best course of action is silence. But silence isn’t an action. An action generates noise, which by definition can’t be silent. Is this too deep for you, son?
PR: Sir, my point is …
(Cuts him off mid-sentence)
Wayne: I get your point, and I’m going to give you half credit for suggesting action. By the way, this will count toward your 2012 KPIs. I agree. We need action. This is no time to head for the bunkers. Do you believe the best defense is a good offense?
PR: Sir?
Wayne: Good. Then it stands to reason the more aggressive our offense, the more effectively we defend the NRA. I’m tired of every yahoo and his brother taking pot shots at us. Enough. We’re holding a press conference to tell our side of the story.
PR: And what is our side of the story?
Wayne: We stick with our go-to narrative: Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.
PR: With all due respect, that line has been wrung dry. If we’re going to do this, we need something fresh.
Wayne: Now, we’re getting somewhere. Like the pushback. Like the collaboration. Like Rush Limbaugh said, it takes a village to defend a cause. By the way, you should have said, the two lines have been wrung dry.
PR: Huh?
Wayne: Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. That’s two lines, plural.
PR: My mistake. Any ideas for the new narrative?
Wayne: Journalists love juxtaposition. And it’s got to be simple. One-syllable words. Something they can remember.
PR: Why don’t we play off the words “good” and “bad.”
Wayne: Like it. How about – It’s what’s in the man, not the gun, that determines good from bad.
PR: Good start. Just not catchy enough and too many syllables in “determines.”
Wayne: I’ve got it – The only thing that stops a bad man with a gun is a good man with a gun.
PR: That’s more like it. If I can make just one tiny suggestion – We bring some nice alliteration to the line by replacing “man” with “guy,” so the line ends up: The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
Wayne: Love it. That’s teamwork.
PR: Are you OK with the word “only” having two syllables?
Wayne: Well, let’s think about this. We could replace “only” with “one,” which sounds pretty good.
PR: I don’t know. “One” doesn’t sound quite as authoritative as “only.”
Wayne: Then let’s keep “only” and live with the two syllables. See, I value your counsel.
PR: Thank you, sir.
Wayne: We still need the big idea.
PR: What do you mean?
Wayne: A strong narrative isn’t enough. We also need to give the American people a reason to see how guns can be part of the solution. That’s how we diffuse the gun control zealots.
PR: Any ideas?
Wayne: Let’s brainstorm – what’s in every school? What assets are already there that we can leverage and use to distract?
PR: Desks, chalkboards, teachers, apples, books, principals …
Wayne: Stop!
PR: Principals?
Wayne: Right. We offer to put the principals from every school in America through the NRA handgun training on our dime.
PR: Sir, our research shows that not even 10 percent of school principals own any type of firearm. They don’t even paddle kids as punishment anymore.
Wayne: OK, like the logical pushback … I got it! What’s every school got we didn’t list?
PR: I don’t know. Sandboxes. lockers. pencils …
Wayne: No, no, no. Go back to thinking about the people in schools.
PR: I don’t know.
Wayne: You give up?
PR: Sure.
Wayne: Janitors.
PR: I’m not following.
Wayne: Every school in America has janitors. They’re often immigrants from Eastern Europe and Latin America where guns are part of the culture. We put THEM through the NRA handgun training.
PR: Sir, I don’t think turning janitors into security guards is going to work. People won’t see the connection between holding a mop and holding …
Wayne: Stop! That’s it. We recommend that an armed security guard be placed on the grounds of every school in America.
PR: It does fit nicely with our narrative.
Wayne: And it moves the debate away from gun control to school security.
PR: Now, that’s a big idea.
Wayne: Exactly. Couldn’t have done it without you. Time to get cracking on the speech. I want the type of language that will grab America by the scruff of their collective neck.
PR: Yes, sir.
I certainly don’t want to make light of the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
But the NRA had an opportunity to facilitate constructive dialogue – instead choosing a combative, even defiant approach.
Do we really need more proof points that something is amiss and warrants change?
Yet, the words uttered at the NRA press conference were toxic. You could drop the text into Christopher Buckley’s fictional PR parody “Thank You for Smoking” and not miss a beat.
I’ve always thought that the PR function at its best serves as the conscious of an organization.
Of course, this assumes the organization has a conscious.
Comments
Gini Dietrich (@ginidietrich)
Man! If one of your 2013 goals is to be witty, this is going down as one of your best examples! Very good!
hoffman
Thanks.
One of my goals for 2013 was to simply experiment.
I’ve had a couple emails that satire shouldn’t be applied to a topic as “raw” as gun control.
But I think that’s exactly where satire can be applied.
Provides a softer platform to express a POV.
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